What I liked about my interviews this time is the generosity of the guys with the information and elaborating with clear examples on what turns them off. I definitely learned a lot more than I used I could from these interviews so let’s start with the first stage (most of them broke their turn offs down by stage without me asking- thank you for reading my previous post on what turns women off).
This time, I broke them down according to the relationship stage and in order or popularity, the ones on top being the most popular. I had consensus on one thing though, these things are turn offs no matter how pretty or attractive you are. So let’s get started.
Initial Meeting/ Dating:
1. She plays hard to get
“I don’t like playing games, especially when I know she’s interested. Waiting for a day to respond to a simple text is not a sign of how cool and sociable she is. It shows either she’s playing hard to get or she’s really not interested. In both cases, it’s a turn off.” So girls, it’s simple, if you’re interested, don’t pretend you’re not. If he’s taking a day to text back, just tell him openly you don’t like it instead of playing the same game.
2. She’s always pushing to meet or talk
“I like her and I enjoy spending time with her, but I would like to be the one initiating contact every once in a while.” I know this is the complete opposite of the one above, but you know men are just as complex as we are. Maybe a little less.
3. She swears A LOT
“I think profanity and foul language is a bad habit for both guys and girls. When a girl swears a lot and uses foul language, she loses a big part of her femininity and she doesn’t become as attractive.” So apparently, both guys and girls agreed on this one, even if it’s for different reasons. Swearing is never a good idea.
4. She brags and acts superior
“I like confidence in a girl, but acting like god’s gift to mankind is a turn off. I would be more comfortable if I didn’t feel we are always in a competition to prove who’s more sociable, cool, attractive, etc.” When a girl talks too much about how great she is and is obviously trying hard to impress the guy, it’s not very likely that he would be comfortable enough to hold a natural conversation that would include good things and not so good things. Maintaining the right balance would create a more relaxing setup for a natural flow of conversation vs. a competition.
5. She’s too materialistic
“It’s so obvious when money is a showstopper for the girl. She checks the brands of everything I’m wearing and some girls actually ask about my saving strategy on the first date. It’s also a turn off when she orders everything on the menu and doesn’t even offer to pay.” So I agree that girls should leave the financial discussions for later because the first few dates shouldn’t be focused on how big a ring he can get you. Yet, I’m from the school that says gentlemen pay for dates. On the other hand, we should be grateful and not take it for granted, so an appreciating “Thank you!” wouldn’t hurt.
6. She gets in touch with her masculine side too often
“I understand a girl can’t be all feminine and pink all the time and I wouldn’t want that. Yet, when she’s too much on the aggressive, boy-like-attitude most of the time, it makes me feel weird around her.” Just to be clear on this one, you shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. So if the guy you’re seeing is not comfortable with that and this is who you really are, maybe you guys just don’t belong together.
7. She has poor hygiene
“No matter how pretty she is, I won’t see her again if there’s any sign of poor hygiene. I just can’t.” More than 70% of the guys I interviewed mentioned this as a killer.
Becoming a couple:
8. She’s too dependent on me
“It’s ok to rely on your partner or others to help you with things, but sometimes it’s too much when she’s idle and waiting for me to do everything for her. The relationship turns into babysitting not a partnership.” It’s important to tell the difference between getting help and being completely dependent on someone, it’s a major turn off for more than 50% of the guys I interviewed.
9. She’s too attached
“I hate it when she tries to mold us into one person and keeps on asking why I didn’t call, or why I’m going out with my friends and not with her. I love her and I want to spend time with her, but I also have friends that I enjoy spending time with, having to apologize for that is suffocating.” Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, it’s very tempting to spend all your time together and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, this is not how guys see it and it’s one of the common reasons for guys to end the relationship.
10. She’s always late
“It’s frustrating when she’s late all the time and pretends it’s a fashionable thing. It’s not cool even if I let it pass a lot.” We can be late every once in a while, but being late most of the time is a real turn off and frustrates guys endlessly even if they don’t show it.
11. She is hesitant most of the time
“I hate it when she has to think for so long about everything and then gives up on things halfway to turn back and try something different.” Even if they don’t spell it out, men like to have partners with an organized thought process.
12. She’s not in touch with what’s going on in the world
“She’s on her own spaceship. She has no idea what’s going on in the world whether it has to do with politics or celebrity gossip. This gives me no base to start a discussion.” Taking steps to understand what’s going on around us makes it a lot easier for you to connect and find your common interests.
13. She lies
“It’s a major turn off when a girl lies to me about anything. If I don’t trust her, I can’t be with her.” Obviously!
14. She doesn’t take no for an answer
“When she asks me to do something and I say no, she wouldn’t accept it. She keeps on nagging till I do it. Even if I do it today, it will not be consistent because I’m forced to do it.” I think this one needs to be discussed on a deeper level than just getting him to do the chore/task because somehow it stays in the back of his head as something he refuses to do.
15. She acts too sensitive most of the time
“I like a delicate woman, but someone who’s fragile is a real stress. We are spontaneous and in some cases impulsive. We don’t tend to sugarcoat things, so please bear with us. We don’t have your talent of saying a 3-word phrase in 3 pages.” I think it’s important to have an open discussion on what hurts both of you; feeling hurt easily puts a strain on the relationship.
16. She complains all the time
“I understand she talks to vent out and not to reach a solution, but I expect to hear about the topic only once and reach a conclusion. Talking it over and over again without attempting to reach a conclusion is a waste of time and energy.” I know I’m guilty of this one. I think it’s not easy for us to stop doing it, but trying would keep it to a minimum at least.
17. She takes things for granted
“I know it’s my responsibility to pay the bills and drive her around, etc but it would be nice if she can show some appreciation and ask for help instead of demanding it. It makes a huge difference when she appreciates it and praises me for it.” No comments from my side. This one is so obvious.
18. She assumes I understand what’s wrong with her
“It’s annoying when I’m put through the test of guessing what’s wrong with her. I can tell she’s upset, but she wouldn’t say why and I’m supposed to guess which usually makes it worse.” I know it’s not easy to say what upset us especially when we know that a guy would say “why would that upset you? you’re just too sensitive.” I think the deal here would be, we will tell you what’s wrong with us, but please don’t dismiss it and say we’re just too sensitive!
19. She gets me symbolic gifts
“I would really appreciate it if she gets me a gift that I actually want, instead of a symbolic gift. Please no more flowers and chocolate.” Enough said.
20. She doesn’t give me my alone time
“I would really like it if I get to have my “alone time” and “social space” without having to ask for it or do anything in return. She asks what’s wrong with me when I’m thinking of something, when all I need is just the space to think.” If you’re going to skip the 20 other turn offs, focus on this one. He will come back happier when you give him his alone time.
21. She criticizes me in public
“Even if we just had a fight or she’s negatively charged, it means a lot to me when she shows she’s proud of me in front of everyone else. On the other hand, I feel so exposed and angry when she criticizes me in front of friends or family.” Whatever is happening between you two, keep it between you and don’t share it with others whether it’s in front of him or behind his back.